All emotions are neither “good” or “bad” to have, they are something that every single person will experience in their life and I think it is very important to let children experience them too. The key is teaching children how to identify their emotions and deal with them in a healthy way.

　　北京君诚双语国际学校中学辅导主任顾问：Valery Cooper 专访

　　2006年至2010年期间，Valery Cooper在英国利兹大学获得日语学士学位，并赴东京的女子学院进行交流。次年，她在利兹大学获得了心理学硕士学位。纵观Valery Cooper的职业生涯中，基于心理学专业学习，她已经担任学校辅导员近十年。她还获得了一些专业会员资格，包括英国心理学会;临床, 咨询和教育心理学部(No. 276809)，美国学校辅导员协会(No.214545)，国际大学入学咨询协会| IACAC(专业会员)，国际学校辅导员协会| ISCA(专业会员)等会员资格。

　　Valery Cooper got her BA in Japanese at the University of Leeds, UK and exchanged at a Women’s College in Tokyo from 2006 to 2010. In the following year, she achieved MSc Psychology at the University of Leeds. Throughout Valery’s career, based on the professional study in Psychology, Valery has been worked as school Counsellor for almost ten years. She also achieved some professional memberships including British Psychological Society; Divisions of Clinical, Counselling, and Educational Psychology (No. 276809), American School Counselor Association (No. 214545), International Association for College Admission Counseling | IACAC, International School Counselor Association | ISCA, etc.

　　1“如果孩子们看到你也阅读了，他们很可能自己拿起一本书”

　　小君：Cooper女士您好。您是心理学方面的专家，想请教您，对于低龄儿童来说，如何培养他们的专注力?为什么有的孩子看电视和ipad很专注，看书的时候就不行?

　　SIBS：Hello, Ms. Cooper. You are an expert in psychology. I want to ask you how to cultivate their ability in concentration for young children? Why can some children be very focused on watching TV and playing the iPad but not on reading a book?

　　Valery：电视和我们看屏幕的时间绝对是今天的一个热门话题,它包括了很多复杂的因素。在 iPad 上有彩色的动作游戏,电视上有很多点播的精彩内容,而对于我们(成人)来说,有时不被他们吸引也是一个不小的挑战,所以对于一个年幼的孩子来说,这当然是很困难的一件事。

　　Valery：TV and screen time is definitely a hot topic nowadays that has a lot of complex elements to it. There is a lot of on-demand exciting content on TV and full-color motion games on iPads, and it is a challenge for us (adults) not to get carried away sometimes, so of course it will be difficult for a young child.

　　Valery：完全摆脱现代技术是不可能的,但最好制定规则,限制孩子们在iPad上看电视或玩多久。鼓励孩子阅读,帮助他们发现读书的乐趣，这是我们(成人)可以做的事情。孩子们是通过观察来学习的,如果他们看到你也阅读了,他们可能会想自己拿起一本书,看看书里面到底有什么是那么有意思的!

　　Valery：It’s impossible to get rid of technology completely, but it is a good idea to establish rules and put limits on how long children can watch TV for or play on iPad. Encouraging children to read and let them discover how it can be a lot of fun is also something you can help with. As children learn a lot by observing, if they see you read, they will probably want to pick up a book themselves to see what is so interesting!

　　2“所有的情绪都不应该用‘好’或‘坏’来定义”

　　小君：对于父母来说，教会孩子控制情绪是一个大问题，对此您有什么建议?

　　SIBS：For parents, it is a big question to teachchildren to control their emotions. What advice do you have for this?

　　Valery：我的建议是 ——不要控制他们!所有的情绪都不应该用"好"或"坏"来定义,他们是每个人在生活中都会经历的东西。我认为让孩子们也学会体验它们是非常重要的。关键是教孩子如何识别自己的情绪,并保持健康的方式对待他们。有时,当我们故意压抑情绪时,结果可能是情绪一再被积压、积压，随着时间的推移,积压得难以忍受,如果不适当地处理,它就可能会爆发出来。

　　Valery：My radical advice is - don’t control them! All emotions are neither “good” or “bad” to have, they are something that every single person will experience in their life and I think it is very important to let children experience them too. The key is teaching children how to identify their emotions and deal with them in a healthy way. Sometimes, when we bottle-up emotions, the result can be something that builds and builds and, over time, becomes so unbearable that it will explode if not dealt with appropriately.

　　Valery：例如，鼓励孩子们说出自己的想法， 找出来让他们沮丧的原因，比压抑这些情绪要好很多。有时候当孩子知道让自己生气的原因之后，也能帮他们渡过难关。当你们在一起交谈时，就意味着你关心他们的生活，而且愿意倾听和帮助。

　　Valery：For example, rather than getting them to suppressing their anger, encourage your son/daughter to talk it out - find out what it is that they are finding frustrating. Sometimes simply acknowledging that something is making them angry can help them move on, but if you can talk about, you are sending a message that you care about what goes on in their life and that you are available to listen and help.

　　3“确保沟通的顺畅，保持一致是至关重要的”

　　小君：在中国，大部分家庭，由于父母双方都要工作，在孩子的小时候都是由双方老人带大的，由此也造成了很多问题，比如父母一辈和爷爷奶奶一辈对于教育理念的差异，长时间由爷爷奶奶带大的孩子往往独立性不强、容易溺爱等等。您对此有什么看法?

　　SIBS：In China, in most families, both parents have to work, so most children are brought up by the elderly, which causes many problems, such as divergence of the educational concept between the generation of parents and grandparents. Children who are brought up by grandparents for a long time are often not independent, spoiled, and so on. What do you think of this?

　　Valery：我在中国和马来西亚工作期间，我经常发现家庭间的关系是如此的亲密。和来自北京的孩子们聊天的时候，他们都告诉我，希望能让他们的父母为他们骄傲，并且都很感激父母为他们做的一切。我觉得在如此小的年纪有这种负责任的想法是值得钦佩的。

　　Valery：During my time working in China and Malaysia, I always found it astonishing how much love there is and how close the family relationships are. When I speak to young people from such backgrounds they always tell me that they want to do well to please their parents, and that they know and appreciate how much their parents do for them. I think it is admirable to have a sense of responsibility and awareness at such a young age.

　　Valery：在过去的十年里， 人们对上学、教育的理念、养育孩子的观念都有了天翻地覆的变化。在多代人共同培养一个孩子的情况下， 确保沟通的顺畅，保持一致是至关重要的。我在国际教学中发现的一个最大的变化就是，更多的中国家长变得更能接受讨论不同的问题，并且和学校一起解决问题 。

　　Valery：In the past decades, schooling and ideas about education and what is important in raising children have definitely changed. When there are multiple generations involved in a child’s life it is even more important to make sure that you are communicating to find common ground. One of the greatest changes I noticed in the time I’ve been working internationally, is that many Chinese parents have become more open with talking about different issues, and are happy to work together with the school to find solutions.

　　4“青少年时期是对家长和孩子的双重考验”

　　小君：您在国际学校工作了很多年，您认为，君诚的家长应该如何在家配合学校的教育工作?

　　SIBS：You have been working in international schools for many years. What’s your opinion on how parents of SIBS cooperate with the school in education?

　　Valery：我的大门永远向家长和学生敞开，我一直秉承着家校紧密合作的理念，让所有人都信息共享，让家长知道我们的期望有哪些，以及如何帮助孩子。我们显然需要透明的沟通渠道来达到这一点。

　　Valery：I always have an open door policy for students and for parents! My view is that there should be a very close cooperative relationship between the school and the home, so that everyone gets the same message about what is happening, how parents can help, and what the expectations are. To achieve all that, there definitely needs to be clear communication.

　　Valery：有一些家长没有经历过有学校顾问/辅导员/学生导师这一类角色的学校。我的工作重点就是为大家提供孩子在不同年龄段需要的信息和帮助，以如何选择大学的信息。青少年时期是对孩子和家长的双重考验，但是我会告诉家长们，我会一直支持着你们!我也觉得家长之间互相交流也有不少好处，有过相同经验的家庭可以提供不少的经验。

　　Valery：Some parents who haven’t been in a school that has a counseling position may not know exactly what my role is. One of my biggest jobs is to help provide information and support your needs as your son or daughter goes through the different stages of school and starts looking at options for college. Adolescence in particular is a difficult transitionary time for both students and parents, but I always tell families that I am here to support you! I also find that sometimes it helps having parents talk things out with other parents, as they often realise that other families are going through the same things.